Why Breastfeeding Feels Hard (and Why It’s Not Your Fault)
- Chelsea Lactation & Postpartum Care
- Nov 5, 2025
- 2 min read
Updated: 4 days ago
Sometimes I meet a new parent who says, exasperated, “I didn’t think it would be this hard!”
And it's not that she's lazy, that her body is broken, or that she's doing anything wrong - it's that the way we live today, the way we structure our lives, means we've lost the community and shared knowledge that make this easier.
Of course it feels hard. She's just done something enormous - she's healing, her body is changing, and she's caring for a brand new person around the clock, all while trying to figure out something that she may have never really seen done before.
She was never meant to do this alone.
We've lost our helpers
For most of human history, new parents were surrounded by helpers—people who could recognize a good latch, offer a nourishing meal, and reassure them that what they were feeling was normal. Those supports are part of what made breastfeeding possible and sustainable.
Today, we expect parents to learn from a 10-minute LC visit in the hospital, a handful of brochures, and late-night TikToks. We’ve replaced a village with a search bar—and then we ask why it feels so isolating.
The weight of expectations
There’s also an emotional layer. Many parents feel pressure to breastfeed “perfectly,” to do it exclusively, to love every moment. But very few people talk about the grief and frustration that happen when reality doesn’t match those expectations.
We’re taught to be capable and self-sufficient. Asking for help can feel like failure.
But breastfeeding isn't always intuitive — it's a skill. Like all skills, breastfeeding is learned over time, not mastered on day one.
What actually helps
Here's what I've seen make a difference again and again:
Gentle, consistent support. A lactation consultant, postpartum doula, or a friend who knows how to listen can help you find your footing.
Small adjustments. Sometimes the fix is as simple as a different position or how you hold your baby when latching.
Permission to rest. Healing, bonding, and learning take time. It’s okay to slow down.
Honest conversations. Share what’s really happening—especially with people who can support you without judgment.
Letting go of “should.” There’s no single right way to feed a baby. What matters is that both of you are nourished and cared for.
You’re allowed to ask for help
Sometimes breastfeeding isn’t easy because the system around you isn’t supportive. You deserve encouragement, accurate information, and time to figure it out.
If you’re struggling, remember that support is available—and that needing it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human, and you care deeply about your baby - which is exactly the kind of parent your baby needs.
